Len Robbins

Syndicated Columnist

A trucker gave me "the finger" the other day.

"The finger" is an internationally-recognized gesture that, from what I understand, can be interpreted to mean: "I think you're cute."

Being a flaming heterosexual, I was taken aback by this aggressive gesture of bad will, and couldn't fathom why he would do such a thing.

It occurred to me as I was pulling out of the local post office. The trucker had stopped in the middle of the highway, obviously trying to turn into the post office. Apparently, he was expecting me to back up for him to enter. But there were cars behind me. They weren't backing up, so I couldn't.

Before I could even wave for the cars behind me to back up, the trucker stuck his entire torso out of his window, showed me his finger, yelled something with a crazed look on his face - probably "excuse me, but do you have any Grey Poupon?" - then sped off down the highway.

Usually, in such situations, truckers just start turning, leaving it up to the drivers in their wake to back up or get squashed. All of us have probably been in a similar predicament before. In most cases, though, truckers will wave or give you some indication of what direction they would like you to travel.

This particular trucker, though, didn't give me the benefit of such a warning wave. He just assumed I would back up, even though I couldn't, or even have time to consider the situation.

This must be what they call "road rage," I reasoned. A reasonable person wouldn't reasonably give "the finger" for such an unreasonable reason.

According to the psychobabblists (Dr. Phil, et al), "road rage" is when motorists get mad at other motorists for their actions or inactions, and then they make obscene gestures or yell at them or they shoot them (large metropolitan areas and Alabama mostly), or they throw a cheese sandwich at them.

The cheese sandwich would have sufficed on this occasion, because I was rather hungry.

I recently read where "road rage" was actually being used as a defense in some criminal cases.

I don't buy it.

Once we start accepting "road rage" as an excuse for bad behavior, all sorts of rages will start popping up - "my-husband-watches-too-much-TV rage," "my-favorite-football-team-stinks rage," "I-don't-like-the-way-he-looked-at-me rage,""I-killed-him-just-for-snoring-rage." It's paradise for a creative lawyer.

So, next time someone cuts you off or takes your parking space or is going 22 in the fast lane, don't get your panties in a wad and give them the dreaded "finger" or hurl a sandwich at them (unless it's me and it's near lunch).

No matter how severe your supposed "road rage" may be, you never know who you are "road raging" to - and their reaction to your rage could be far worse.

The next person you give "the finger" to may be Bill Goldberg in a bad mood - or Mr. T in a good one. Ouch.