Scott Ballard District Attorney
February 23, 2014
Closures and cancellations.
So far, that’s the story of 2014. Schools closed. Flights cancelled. Courthouse? It’s closed. The weather has shut down America.
But, this week somebody took things one step further. I heard that a judge somewhere cancelled Valentine’s Day because of bad weather.
Really? I didn’t know that was possible. Is that power in the Constitution? Did James Madison say to Thomas Jefferson, “Methinks thou shouldst empower the judicial branch to cancel Valentine’s Day?”
I wish I had known this when I was a little boy. Little boys hate Valentine’s Day. At least they used to. It was right up there with mandatory square dance lessons. If only I had known that I could petition a judge and wipe out the whole holiday!
Actually, this could be cool. Your daughter is about to turn 16. She wants to go on a date. “I’m sorry, honey. You’re not old enough. I cancelled your last ten birthdays. You’re only five years old.”
Maybe it was inevitable. The calendar on my desk is covered up in holidays. Mexican Independence Day. Canadian Thanksgiving. Boxing Day. Chinese New Year. I guess this judge figured it was time to purge the calendar.
Soon we’ll labor on Labor Day and forget Memorial Day. July will have only thirty days—we’ll skip from the third to the fifth.
What if somebody didn’t want to cancel Valentine’s Day? What is her recourse? (I’m assuming this aggrieved person is female.) Does she appeal to the Court of Appeals? Appeal to the judge’s wife? (I’m assuming the judge is male.)
I think the aggrieved lady would just ignore the judge. She would declare that, in her household at least, Valentine’s Day is here to stay.
Good for her.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go shopping. It’s only two weeks until Mexican Flag Day.