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New Year’s Resolutions

Scott Ballard District Attorney

January 12, 2014

Each year it’s customary to make resolutions. Usually, each of us considers how we can improve as individuals. I want to put a spin on that this year.


Let’s consider how other people can improve. That will be more fun.


Let’s start with an easy one. TV commercials. In 2014 I want car companies to show me what the car actually CAN do. I don’t want to see cars flying through the air and landing on top of trains.


The Allstate Insurance Company ads about mayhem need to go away. It’s just too disturbing to watch a man pretending to be a bag of trash being run over by cars. Or a bungie cord that allows stuff to fall off the back of a truck. Or a pennant that detaches from a car and causes a wreck.


Here’s a New Year’s resolution for Congress. I’m sorry, I can’t type. I keep giggling too hard as I think about some of those guys. I’ll come back to them later.


For 2014 I would like for celebrities to sing the National Anthem the way it is supposed to be sung. If they want to rewrite their own songs until they are unrecognizable, that’s okay. Just not the National Anthem.


I would like for all road signs to express themselves in writing. It’s too confusing to decipher what a stick drawing with a slash across it means.


As for Congress… Oops. It’s just too soon. Giggling has given way to belly-laughter.


This year I would like for the media to do its job. Report the news. Don’t try to manipulate public opinion to suit political agendas. Don’t fail to report the news (that’s directed toward the New York Times). Quit reporting downright false matters in your haste to be the first to alert us to an event. Just report the news.


This year I would like for all elected officials to remember that they serve us. Every decision that is made should be designed to improve life for the people. If a policy benefits only the elected official, throw it out the window.


That brings me back to the Congress. Have you ever laughed so hard that your stomach hurt? And every time you try to get serious, you can only put your head on the desk and shake convulsively?


It’s no use. Congress will have to make its own resolutions.


Don’t hold your breath.